There's nothing left of me now....

There is nothing left of me now …..
..there ‘s just the shadow of the days gone by…don’t know when you’ll be back… will you still find me … wonder if I would become a wall ..Or perhaps a creeper...
There’s nothing left of me now …I know now for sure …but perhaps there is just a little bit left to let you know that I once existed.

Two lazy bean bags and one sunday afternoon....

It was yet another one of those lazy Sunday afternoons, only that this was slightly different. Different because i had not closed the curtains of the living room to create darkness, instead they were opened to allow the free flow of the wind and the light. Little do we realize that how we behave with the objects in the house has lot to do with what one is going through. My habit of cleaning the house was becoming a disease. I was hiding behind lies. It was an attempt to cleanse my soul. I needed an outlet. With each new relationship that I was trying to build, I realized how desperate I had become.
Realization struck so hard that I could feel myself screaming. Why was I stuck up so badly? Why was I lying to myself and everyone around me? And then came this lazy afternoon. I had become my teenage again... he was very young, energetic, Naughty, funny and mostly his name reminded me of so many things. I was holding on to so many memories with that one name. More than the human being himself, we all have this tendency to get involved with the facts one carries. Maybe the smell reminds you of something, or maybe the name............
It was pure co-incidence and unintentional that I became involved in a relationship that was making me feel more and more guilty and today I was feeling a bit more jittery about the whole thing. I knew I wanted it more than anything else but had to hold myself back .He was way too young for me. I knew now exactly what I was looking for.
No matter how much I enjoyed his company, something at the back of my mind reminded me that this was not right. I was listening to his naughty pranks and futile attempts to seduce a girl. I had nothing to share ‘cause i had moved on with life.
And yet another wonderful evening together. He came as usual loaded with his wits and charm and I loved to see him wear the white shirt and denim jean. He looked very handsome. What always attracted me to him was his wayward maverick attitude. I loved cooking for him and equally enjoyed sharing the weekend stories. He would go on and on about his stories and oogling at females and I would listen to him patiently. Yesterday night was very special. He stayed back and we stayed awake till 2 watching songs (his fav's) on you tube and the power supply went off. It was as if god was listening to my heartbeats. For a very very long time my fingers kept feeling his hair and I know the naughty him was enjoying it. He slept the moment he hit the bed. I looked at his peaceful 5'11 physique lying so innocently on my bed snoring away.
I too knocked off. It was 5:30 in the morning when I felt something soft touching me. His fingers were feeling me and from the corner of my eyes I could see him feeling naughty. Slowly he removed the cushions between us and moved his frame towards me I couldn't stop myself and moved close enough to smell his deodorant (I so loved his smell). He was sweating as usual but his sweat enticed me .It was almost as if I got back my lazy Sunday back. Lying on my bean bag, I could see my life go by in small doses.

Those precious pieces of love....

those priceless pieces of stone............
There are lot of things that we never apprehend even in our wildest dreams.but when it comes true, you just don't know what to do. and so it happend one day......We were robbed of every bit of jewellery we owned.it just happend.We couldn't believe it.Lying scattered on the floor that day were the empty boxes of our 5 years of togetherness. Every little occasion that we ever celebrated was lying broken in that room.
Tears rolled down my eyes as I took that one precious box in my hand that once held the beautiful turquoise blue fish earrings.Something that was in the family for ages. it was a gift from my mother who wanted to give it to her daughter -in law and took it the brat Iwas. And it was gone in second. for me it was priceless and nothing could ever pinch me more than this.Those small pieces of jewellery represented my 5 years of marriage , of being away from home, of being married and most importantly of love.and so I lost my most cherished possession. Now when I look back, I can only blame the carelessness of our lifestyle. Something we nurtured for years, thinking this only happens to others how can it ever happen to me. All we could do was to blame ourselves, of not being careful even when others told me that there were thefts going on. but this us an important lesson and made us a penny wiser.And now we are making more people aware of the fact that don't take things so easy, this can happen to you . But not everthing can go wrong, I am blessed with friends who have always made me feel complete. Some are close to my heart and some very very special. I almost cried when Richa made sevaiyaan for me . Only she could think like that. I felt so happy. and when mom called up my eyes swelled up. I guess I am now relaxed cause nothing else would ever hurt me more than this. This episode shattered me but Ithink Icould see myself mature into a wise soul.

Phir na kehna ki bhool gaye...........

woh darakhto se lehrate jhoole aur neem ke ped ki chaaya
yaad hai hume abhi bhi sab kuch
Woh roti ke tookre char
Woh ambiya se khatte hote daanth
Woh imli ki chatkar, woh kadi dhoop se tapte paanv
Jaane kahan gayi woh daupahariya, dhoop jiski tumhari chaanv mein thandak deti thi,

Kyon aayi sham ki andhera bura sa lagta hai
Andhere mein saaya bhi apna darta hai
Jaane kab aaoge ki subah ho jae
Pannchiyon sa aao chalo hum bhi kanhi udd chale…………………………

Chal Yamraj ki class lagae…….Ode to all the Prank makers

Thank you for making me recall those days......the familiar SMS ring brought that million dollar smile on my face. Yup that was Vibha, college friend, closest affinity with whom I had shared the most interesting part of my life.
We were six of us, the brats in the English Department who not only enjoyed discussing shakeaspeare but did not refrain from discussing how sexy Sushmita Sen looks in a sari (and in a very vocal form). College was an adda and we were total maverick to the core. Those were the carefree days and absolutely devoid of any calamities....well we created calamities....
Bunty, Manisha, saji, Khan,vibha,Rubina, me and of course Dave sir...
We all met in the first year of the college. All from different schools and different backgrounds, but shared one thing in common, our love for pranks. Our pranks started from our junior college itself and lasted till the last year of Post graduation. Saji I must mention was the naughtiest ( guess he won’t change !!), Rubina the straight Spade one, me the Loudmouth , Vibha the warrior and Manisha the quite submissive one.
Right from eating crunchy samosas to bunking internal exams, we did it all. Our exam paper were well appreciated but got equally rebuked for the mistakes that we committed.
" abe vaat lag gayi, Dave sir Zinda nahi chodenge" was a standard statement from my side after the paper and everybody would burst out laughing. It was my usual.
Hey guys do you remember the ganne ka juice wala just opposite our class room and how muzammil was unable to concentrate till the chap started his machine hahahhahahahah.
Summer breeze have always revived the memories of those sweat filled yet twinkling days. Bitching, criticizing, laughing for hours and sipping tea at Laxmi vada pav centre.... who needed Arjun Rampal then. We were too busy eyeing the BBA guys next door.
"Sam dekh tera amrood wala ....oye popat.. kitna khaegi""
abe baarish ho rahi hai, chal mandaliye sir ki bunk maarte hai"
" abe dikha na itna kya likha "
" saji , paper vapas kar, abe final exam hai..lag jaegi"
Oye tune kya kya padha , bata na ….”
Abe Khan sir ki class hai , chal nahi toh aapni class lag jaegi…..
“Sameena, look at you. Your mother was such a fine student….yes that was Joshi sir forever trying to curb my naughty laugh by comparing me to mom who did her MA in the same department..hahahaha
Abe Mishra sir ki class hai , peehce jao…. Yes Prof Mishra whose rather long twisting and aesthetically done spit always landed on the first bencher .For us it was pure entertainment. We preferred studying Aurobind’s Savitri on our own ….and then Dave sir, our friend and friendly prof who made life so much easy for us . “ tum log sudhar jao …..” heheheh his line really brightened our day.
Yes, it was truly Purani jeans aur Guitar, mohalle ki chat aur mere yaar.. woh raaton ko jaagna …….
As I write this I know how many chapters I am unfolding from beneath the hidden, dust clad book of our lives. I still go to Vallabh Vidya Nagar and make sure that I stop for few seconds to relive those moments of happiness. Everything has changed. But one thing that did not change was the summer breeze that still flows. Somethings should stay as they are....like tihey say even if you meet your friends in hell, it should be like" chal yaar, bahut din ho gaye, yamraj ki class lagae..."

Dry Mirages

Timeless whispers,and thousand desires,
trapped in the bottle of life and thrown into the sea of helplessness,
here i am.....
wonderin where am I going.....
suffocated by the clouds of fire, and cries of the my trapped soul,
I stand soulless...............
the last leaf shall fall and the dust shall cover it,
Someone might even walk over it and enjoy the feeling of autumn
Autumn too, shall pass giving way to the new green leaves
Come spring and life shall start again..........................

The NICE GUYS ......

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.